My Second Session

Sept. 10, 2012    

I started out the session, intensely focused on being relaxed and going with the healing process. I was trying so hard to do that, that I wasn't able to give in and do either. Its funny how that works. I felt the impression or desire to move my arms, lift them and cross them over my chest. I stubbornly waited for some force to move my arms for me. When I finally relaxed and gave in to the process, I let go of my pride that went against 'looking strange' in front of strangers. I moved my arms and they took over, and I let them go where they wanted. It felt so right to stretch out, reaching or curling up and letting them rest wherever they landed. I moved a lot during the entire session, with a lot of twitching and kryas shaking too. I thought it was a bit strange and very different, but it didn't feel wrong... not once.
In my mind's eye, I saw many things. It started with the black silhouette of a large bird, like a crow. It was like his outline was 'cut out' and I could see the black shadows underneath that missing fabric of space. First, it was just one bird and I watched him flying, wondering where he would go. Then he was joined by others and they formed a flock. Like a tattered hole cut in the sky, the black shadows of birds gathered together to form the shape of a man, tall and proud like a god or angel. He stepped toward me and the shadows fell away.
He was very beautiful, with blonde hair and kind blue eyes. He had a somewhat boyish face and eyes that crinkled at the corners just like Daniel. He was perfect in my eyes. I called him son, although at the time, I wondered about that because I had never seen my future children except as babies with knowing eyes. He began to leave and I reached for him, wanting him to stay. He smiled at me and told me something like, “I'll just be right here... until later.” However, I remember, his mouth didn't move... he said it more with his eyes, like a promise. And Daniel wonders why I have a hard time waiting till we have another.
Shortly after that, I felt a sense of loss and sadness, needing to be held and comforted. I think it comes from touching that place of peace and having to return to this cold world. I reached out for my Father, lifting my hand as the warmth of heaven receded. “Don't leave me, Father!” I thought desperately. I cried then, feeling alone and wanting a message of peace. I was reminded of the loneliness I'd experienced all my life, since I'd left my Father's side. Crossing my arms over my chest, I curled up.

Moving on to the next thing I could remember, there was a short part about heaven again. During the twitching that my fingers sometimes did, I was reminded of the feel of violin. I've always felt like I learned to play in a former life and that I just need to remember how in order to play beautifully again. The fingers of my left hand twitched in many finger positions and my body remembered that sensation. My violin is currently in need of repair, I want to see if I remember it yet.

I remember seeing a white symbol but its hard to describe. It had four parts sticking out, like a four leaf clover does. But each part was different. The dove lotion symbol was the closest thing I could come to describing it without drawing it. I wanted to suggest drawing the symbol but didn't want to interrupt Natalie's writing.

I also saw these great white wings. I felt the urge to reach out to them, but couldn't reach... my hand felt so heavy if I tried to lift it too far up. The wings enveloped me and I could feel the crisp, flexible texture of the feathers just by looking at them. Sunlight