An Unexpected Fourth Session

Nov. 21, 2012
In an effort to solve my pattern of "no friends" or "needing a close relationship" I felt the desire to return to Natalie for another session. I know that this type of healing will not always heal what you think it should, but I went knowing that what should be done would get done. On the drive over, I had a glimpse of the opening scene from my vision...
I was climbing a steep hill of deep, crisp white snow. My arms and legs were bare as they sunk deep into several inches of the blanket of snow, yet I did not feel chilled but invigorated. I was excited to see what was at the top. The scene repeated once I was in the chair with Natalie by my side, but then it switched to a 3rd person view and I was looking down at a man, barechested and wading through the glistening snow. He reached the summit where a glistening winter spring-fed lake. He bent at its shores and scooped a handful of crsytal water to drink. When he drank, I saw great wings of light sprout from his back. But these were not normal bird's wings like many angels are seen to have. At the top of the shoulder blade was one great feather, made from gleaming pure white light... it could have been 8 or 10 feet long. Then below that one was a slightly shorter feather, stretching out behind him. They went down his spine in that manner until they ended in the lower back, only a few inches long. Then he stood in front of a sheet of ice that stood to the right of the lake, like a tall perfectly flat monolith. He was overcome with sadness. Placing his palm on the cold, hard surface, he grieved for some unseen loss. He seemed so bereft, and I wanted to comfort him. In the chair, I reached out my hand and laid it on his shoulder. Without words, I told him everything would be alright. He still seemed sad but he lifted his head and looked much better. He went home to his castle in the alps of this land. He went about his duties as king with only half a heart. The rest of him was preoccupied with his loss and suffering. One night, he couldn't sleep and was pacing his bedchamber. He came to the window and those same v-shaped wings made of light grew once more. He lifted out of the window and into the night. Higher and higher he flew, until he was above the clouds and up with the stars. There, he collected the twinkling lights of millions of little stars in a gleaming magical basket that he held in his arms. Returning to his room, he arranged the stars into the bright form of a woman. I thought it would become his wife at first, till she came to life and I saw how young she was. She had lovely black hair, white skin and a beautiful face that was child-like and mature both at once. (like Snow White?) She was to be his daughter. They were happy together. I left.

Next, I met with Lilly's spirit animal in the woods. My heart leaped when I saw her, happy to be with her once more. I ran my fingers along her familiar thick spotted fur. It was so incredibly soft and full. Her eyes were the same liquid pools of blue that I remembered from Lilly's birth day, they shone with the inner light of knowledge, power and love. Her wings were covered in that downy fine covering that seemed like feathers or fur but was neither. We walked along in peaceful companionship for a time. Then she touched me and I became a large black cat, same species as her I suppose for I had wings too, though they were juvenile and I did not use them. I luxuriated in this new body, feeling the power of my feline muscles and claws, the power and speed! I traveled along in the woods, testing out my grip as I raced up a tree with my naturally dagger-tipped paws. Then we followed a small stream until we arrived at the mouth of the current where the water pooled. Within the small fountain swam a few minnows, they looked like bright, shimmering goldfish. When she pulled one out I saw that it was not an ordinary goldfish at all- the tiny creature was made of fire! She told me to eat and I fished one out with an expert paw. Holding the little thing in front of my lips, I inhaled (just like spaghetti) and the tiny bright flame was sucked into my mouth easy as that! It was delicious but it was not for food. I looked around and suddenly my vision was new. No longer ordinary eyes, I saw in some form of infa-red light. The dark forest around I could see clearly enough, but everywhere life had touched recently glowed with brilliant gold, yellows, red, burning oranges and white flame. I watched, transfixed as the lights shifted and warmed by vision. It was beautiful! I saw a trail of glowing footprints where my mentor had left. I followed them for a little while but then went exploring in the woods. The colors were amazing and I wanted to discover everything! Then I came upon a cottage, tucked away from civilization. I approached it, unafraid. The place looked deserted so I leaped through the window. The place was well-kept, with all kinds of ornaments about that marked the life of the person living here: papers, bottles, blankets, food etc. However, I had eyes only for the large black swan that stood in graceful solitude next to a table. There was a golden chain at her neck and she sat motionless, eyes closed. A prisoner, then. I inspected the lock with my new eyes but there was no brilliant fire to be seen here. Instead a black light streamed out of the lock's hole, like a dark wisp of smoke or the anti-light of something evil. The smell was oily and bitter, making me sneeze to get the scent out of my nose. It had the tang of evil magic on it. I tried to free her, but every time I touched her, she changed shape. She became a hundred different animals, all of them black and struggling for freedom form the golden collar, while I tried to solve the riddle. At last, she became a tiny jumping spider with golden fur and a body so small, the collar barely was able to shrink small enough to encompass her. It fit fat and wide around her waist, legs sticking on in front and back. With an impossible leap for her miniature size, she leapt out the window, leaving the cursed collar behind. I went outside to join her and found a young woman crouched on the bare snowy ground. She stood. Her hair was black as pitch and nearly touched her ankles. The vision switched to 3rd person again and there stood with the young woman, a young man. They walked off into the woods, hand in hand. Though they had only met, I knew that they would one day marry and live forever in true love.
At another point in my time with Natalie, I was locked in a feirce battle with an angry man. He had knocked me down and was slamming my head into the ground with fierce energy. I punched and kicked at him, using every ounce of energy I had, but nothing seemed to phase him. I found a dagger and stabbed him in the side. He shrugged it off. He seemed mad with some kind of dark energy that lent him inhuman strength to fight on. Somehow, I managed to knock him cold and win myself a reprieve. Panting for breath, I struggled to my feet and prepared to dispatch him permanently. Just then, something small and dark writhed out of the man's body and crawled away wetly. I was disgusted by the thing but raised my weapon toward the man. I looked at his face. He looked different now. Somehow, he was just a man; unlike before, when he was a mad creature of darkness. The shadow that had been over his face and in his eyes was gone. I lowered my weapon. No enemy here. We are all human. The thing we truly fight is not really a part of us, just a vile parasite that lives in the heart. Kill that. Don't kill your brothers or sisters, they are always worth saving. Once the brief struggle ends here, no matter what it was about, the fight will eventually be over and in that moment, man and evil part ways. Only the blind seek revenge. (Daniel and I watched Red Dawn in the theater later that evening. Sometimes I feel I was a warrior in a past life, or in many. I feel the pulse of war drumming in my veins. But my battles are at home, my ammunition an open and loving heart, my weapon of choice is fun/games and order/cleanliness, my enemy is a discordant home with spoiled children and a disinterested father. My glorious victory: loving family. I'd have to say, after 5 years of marriage, 3 years of parenting and supposed countless past lives of the warrior, it must be loads harder to raise a family in peace and love, with a firm but gentle hand, than it would be to dodge bullets, treat wounds and kill or be killed. The battles I fight are done with the heart and only those who fight the same war I do can hear my heart's silent battle cry. Its a war I intend to win, but it cannot be forced, only led with eternal patience and kindness, with the breed of strength that only mothers and fathers know.)
Throughout the session, I had a feeling of weightlessness or falling one direction or another, while I lay in the chair. Just after my vision of Snow White and her father, I even fell into a deep and silent sleep. During those times when I sleep in Natalie's chair, I feel as heavy and dead to the world as a stone. No dreams, no sensations. Solid rest. Its hard to fight that kind of sleep, since I sleep so fitfully at home or am up with the children at all hours. But I struggled awake a few times and tensely checked my time to see if the session was over or not. I hate falling asleep and wasting time like that. I also hate denying myself that kind of solid rest because I'd rather embrace it. I felt myself tip to the right, it felt like first I tumbled and then fell into open air as if off a cliff side  Of course, I still rested in the chair but either way, I had no need to fear because a pair of large and comforting arms caught me deftly and carried me to safety. I don't remember any other little tidbits, except the brief flash of a woman's arms around me. I could tell she loved me completely, with a more perfect understanding and acceptance than I ever had from my friends from this life. It felt so good to be with her, like she knew who I really was, through and through.
Then I was in a wide tunnel underground. I traveled down the large circular shape, blasted by the hot dry air that was found in a dragon's lair. I found the queen deep underground in the blackness of the Earth. She and I acknowledged each other with silent regard. No need for words with her, like so many non-humans she 'knows'. I followed her for a while and I sent the thought asking where we were going. (thought-speak in this sense is more of a knowing, an emotion and an impression, not usually sentences unless something specific must be said.) She informed me we were headed for where she kept her treasure. I sent the image of a gigantic pile of gold coins and she laughed, shaking her head at me. That is a human notion, what use does a dragon- king of earth and sky and fire - have for little gold coins? I wondered to myself, slightly abashed, about the rumor of dragon's attraction to shiny things. Yes, I suppose it does make dragons seem too simplistic in their intelligent nature. I guess I'll be thinking on that when I watch The Hobbit this Christmas... funny. Anyway, after a time we came to a place in the darkness of the world that had not been known by light since its creation a millenia ago. A single vein of power, infused in the rock. She touched it with a great taloned hand. "Touch it," she commanded. Hesitantly, I raised my hand in the chair. Arm suspended in the air, I slowly let it drop... so slowly, until it rested there on the vein. Nothing. At first, all I felt was bare rock. But then I stilled myself: quiet hand, quiet mind, quiet breath, quiet heart, quiet spirit. I opened up my entire being to utter stillness and there, when I ceased is where I felt it. The thing was trembling on a vibration so pure, so fast, so perfect, that it felt like it wasn't moving at all. It was like a single brilliant ray of light shinning in the darkness, or a piercing and achingly beautiful high note. The string of power. This was our so-called magic. But it was so much more than all that... couldn't be contained within fibs and fairy tales. Here was the power of creation itself. With this you could heal with a touch and a thought. With this you could bring matter into existence or banish it. This power held the wheeling stars in alignment, or brought them out of it.
The session closed with the utter comfort of lying nestled like a newborn in a cocoon of pillowy black feathers wrapped around me...

During the drive home I was already disoriented from everything I had seen and felt, but the sunset was so spectacular and breathtaking that I found it nearly impossible to keep my mind on the task of navigating the traffic. Moody bright blues swirled in the eddies of the sky and foreground cloudage. The clouds behind... heaven. They were like melted gold and the first blooms of rose after a rainstorm and glowed with the brilliant light of Home. The unspeakable colors, each lit from within to varying degrees, had faded effortlessly from one shade to the next. One look in those swirling lofty heights and I threatened to hie straight to heaven. I don't know if its just my dreamy nature or my pre-mortal lineage, but scenes of such beauty just carry me off and I swear my feet aren't touching the ground for the next hour or so. I get that way and I cannot function in the natural world properly, but who would want to? With a feeling of such transcendence  why wouldn't the spirit want to follow the eye? And what raptures await those who actually succeed in making the trip? I hope some day to see more and feel more of that place, so I can bring the experience back. If only these two hands can learn to write what must be written so people can read and understand, perhaps they too can hie away with me into those glorious heights... without ever having to leave their chair or body.


After experiencing many amazing journeys with Reconnective Healing, and knowing there are countless other things to learn, feel and do with this process, I know I could spend hundreds of dollars seeing Natalie and never tire of it... but I want to learn to do this for myself. The process is natural, the rules of engagement eternal and deeply useful. I want to learn to use Reconnective Healing for myself, my family and others. I've seen people work miracles with it and finally I can be the Dream Walker I've always known I am, but this time be awake for all of it, remember all of it. I have walked in dreams my whole life, not just the stuff you see in sleep for entertainment... the True Dream World, the Grid, the space between Heaven and Earth... whatever that plane of existence is called. I feel like it is a very important journey to make more often, record  and learn from. Maybe even share, though I wouldn't know how to introduce the idea to others. If they do not know how important all this is to me, they might laugh it off as being strange or a little bit crazy. But its so real. I would not be surprised one bit to see future events or some other form of remote viewing, only to find out later that it came true. Anyway, none of that matters. I refuse to judge any of it as good or bad, and I don't care if others understand or not. That would be like holding your breath because you don't know if people will like how you breathe. I cannot stop the dreams and stories in my head and I wouldn't any way because they have taught me so much. I feel only gratitude and a burning curiosity.