An Unexpected Fourth Session

Nov. 21, 2012
In an effort to solve my pattern of "no friends" or "needing a close relationship" I felt the desire to return to Natalie for another session. I know that this type of healing will not always heal what you think it should, but I went knowing that what should be done would get done. On the drive over, I had a glimpse of the opening scene from my vision...
I was climbing a steep hill of deep, crisp white snow. My arms and legs were bare as they sunk deep into several inches of the blanket of snow, yet I did not feel chilled but invigorated. I was excited to see what was at the top. The scene repeated once I was in the chair with Natalie by my side, but then it switched to a 3rd person view and I was looking down at a man, barechested and wading through the glistening snow. He reached the summit where a glistening winter spring-fed lake. He bent at its shores and scooped a handful of crsytal water to drink. When he drank, I saw great wings of light sprout from his back. But these were not normal bird's wings like many angels are seen to have. At the top of the shoulder blade was one great feather, made from gleaming pure white light... it could have been 8 or 10 feet long. Then below that one was a slightly shorter feather, stretching out behind him. They went down his spine in that manner until they ended in the lower back, only a few inches long. Then he stood in front of a sheet of ice that stood to the right of the lake, like a tall perfectly flat monolith. He was overcome with sadness. Placing his palm on the cold, hard surface, he grieved for some unseen loss. He seemed so bereft, and I wanted to comfort him. In the chair, I reached out my hand and laid it on his shoulder. Without words, I told him everything would be alright. He still seemed sad but he lifted his head and looked much better. He went home to his castle in the alps of this land. He went about his duties as king with only half a heart. The rest of him was preoccupied with his loss and suffering. One night, he couldn't sleep and was pacing his bedchamber. He came to the window and those same v-shaped wings made of light grew once more. He lifted out of the window and into the night. Higher and higher he flew, until he was above the clouds and up with the stars. There, he collected the twinkling lights of millions of little stars in a gleaming magical basket that he held in his arms. Returning to his room, he arranged the stars into the bright form of a woman. I thought it would become his wife at first, till she came to life and I saw how young she was. She had lovely black hair, white skin and a beautiful face that was child-like and mature both at once. (like Snow White?) She was to be his daughter. They were happy together. I left.

Next, I met with Lilly's spirit animal in the woods. My heart leaped when I saw her, happy to be with her once more. I ran my fingers along her familiar thick spotted fur. It was so incredibly soft and full. Her eyes were the same liquid pools of blue that I remembered from Lilly's birth day, they shone with the inner light of knowledge, power and love. Her wings were covered in that downy fine covering that seemed like feathers or fur but was neither. We walked along in peaceful companionship for a time. Then she touched me and I became a large black cat, same species as her I suppose for I had wings too, though they were juvenile and I did not use them. I luxuriated in this new body, feeling the power of my feline muscles and claws, the power and speed! I traveled along in the woods, testing out my grip as I raced up a tree with my naturally dagger-tipped paws. Then we followed a small stream until we arrived at the mouth of the current where the water pooled. Within the small fountain swam a few minnows, they looked like bright, shimmering goldfish. When she pulled one out I saw that it was not an ordinary goldfish at all- the tiny creature was made of fire! She told me to eat and I fished one out with an expert paw. Holding the little thing in front of my lips, I inhaled (just like spaghetti) and the tiny bright flame was sucked into my mouth easy as that! It was delicious but it was not for food. I looked around and suddenly my vision was new. No longer ordinary eyes, I saw in some form of infa-red light. The dark forest around I could see clearly enough, but everywhere life had touched recently glowed with brilliant gold, yellows, red, burning oranges and white flame. I watched, transfixed as the lights shifted and warmed by vision. It was beautiful! I saw a trail of glowing footprints where my mentor had left. I followed them for a little while but then went exploring in the woods. The colors were amazing and I wanted to discover everything! Then I came upon a cottage, tucked away from civilization. I approached it, unafraid. The place looked deserted so I leaped through the window. The place was well-kept, with all kinds of ornaments about that marked the life of the person living here: papers, bottles, blankets, food etc. However, I had eyes only for the large black swan that stood in graceful solitude next to a table. There was a golden chain at her neck and she sat motionless, eyes closed. A prisoner, then. I inspected the lock with my new eyes but there was no brilliant fire to be seen here. Instead a black light streamed out of the lock's hole, like a dark wisp of smoke or the anti-light of something evil. The smell was oily and bitter, making me sneeze to get the scent out of my nose. It had the tang of evil magic on it. I tried to free her, but every time I touched her, she changed shape. She became a hundred different animals, all of them black and struggling for freedom form the golden collar, while I tried to solve the riddle. At last, she became a tiny jumping spider with golden fur and a body so small, the collar barely was able to shrink small enough to encompass her. It fit fat and wide around her waist, legs sticking on in front and back. With an impossible leap for her miniature size, she leapt out the window, leaving the cursed collar behind. I went outside to join her and found a young woman crouched on the bare snowy ground. She stood. Her hair was black as pitch and nearly touched her ankles. The vision switched to 3rd person again and there stood with the young woman, a young man. They walked off into the woods, hand in hand. Though they had only met, I knew that they would one day marry and live forever in true love.
At another point in my time with Natalie, I was locked in a feirce battle with an angry man. He had knocked me down and was slamming my head into the ground with fierce energy. I punched and kicked at him, using every ounce of energy I had, but nothing seemed to phase him. I found a dagger and stabbed him in the side. He shrugged it off. He seemed mad with some kind of dark energy that lent him inhuman strength to fight on. Somehow, I managed to knock him cold and win myself a reprieve. Panting for breath, I struggled to my feet and prepared to dispatch him permanently. Just then, something small and dark writhed out of the man's body and crawled away wetly. I was disgusted by the thing but raised my weapon toward the man. I looked at his face. He looked different now. Somehow, he was just a man; unlike before, when he was a mad creature of darkness. The shadow that had been over his face and in his eyes was gone. I lowered my weapon. No enemy here. We are all human. The thing we truly fight is not really a part of us, just a vile parasite that lives in the heart. Kill that. Don't kill your brothers or sisters, they are always worth saving. Once the brief struggle ends here, no matter what it was about, the fight will eventually be over and in that moment, man and evil part ways. Only the blind seek revenge. (Daniel and I watched Red Dawn in the theater later that evening. Sometimes I feel I was a warrior in a past life, or in many. I feel the pulse of war drumming in my veins. But my battles are at home, my ammunition an open and loving heart, my weapon of choice is fun/games and order/cleanliness, my enemy is a discordant home with spoiled children and a disinterested father. My glorious victory: loving family. I'd have to say, after 5 years of marriage, 3 years of parenting and supposed countless past lives of the warrior, it must be loads harder to raise a family in peace and love, with a firm but gentle hand, than it would be to dodge bullets, treat wounds and kill or be killed. The battles I fight are done with the heart and only those who fight the same war I do can hear my heart's silent battle cry. Its a war I intend to win, but it cannot be forced, only led with eternal patience and kindness, with the breed of strength that only mothers and fathers know.)
Throughout the session, I had a feeling of weightlessness or falling one direction or another, while I lay in the chair. Just after my vision of Snow White and her father, I even fell into a deep and silent sleep. During those times when I sleep in Natalie's chair, I feel as heavy and dead to the world as a stone. No dreams, no sensations. Solid rest. Its hard to fight that kind of sleep, since I sleep so fitfully at home or am up with the children at all hours. But I struggled awake a few times and tensely checked my time to see if the session was over or not. I hate falling asleep and wasting time like that. I also hate denying myself that kind of solid rest because I'd rather embrace it. I felt myself tip to the right, it felt like first I tumbled and then fell into open air as if off a cliff side  Of course, I still rested in the chair but either way, I had no need to fear because a pair of large and comforting arms caught me deftly and carried me to safety. I don't remember any other little tidbits, except the brief flash of a woman's arms around me. I could tell she loved me completely, with a more perfect understanding and acceptance than I ever had from my friends from this life. It felt so good to be with her, like she knew who I really was, through and through.
Then I was in a wide tunnel underground. I traveled down the large circular shape, blasted by the hot dry air that was found in a dragon's lair. I found the queen deep underground in the blackness of the Earth. She and I acknowledged each other with silent regard. No need for words with her, like so many non-humans she 'knows'. I followed her for a while and I sent the thought asking where we were going. (thought-speak in this sense is more of a knowing, an emotion and an impression, not usually sentences unless something specific must be said.) She informed me we were headed for where she kept her treasure. I sent the image of a gigantic pile of gold coins and she laughed, shaking her head at me. That is a human notion, what use does a dragon- king of earth and sky and fire - have for little gold coins? I wondered to myself, slightly abashed, about the rumor of dragon's attraction to shiny things. Yes, I suppose it does make dragons seem too simplistic in their intelligent nature. I guess I'll be thinking on that when I watch The Hobbit this Christmas... funny. Anyway, after a time we came to a place in the darkness of the world that had not been known by light since its creation a millenia ago. A single vein of power, infused in the rock. She touched it with a great taloned hand. "Touch it," she commanded. Hesitantly, I raised my hand in the chair. Arm suspended in the air, I slowly let it drop... so slowly, until it rested there on the vein. Nothing. At first, all I felt was bare rock. But then I stilled myself: quiet hand, quiet mind, quiet breath, quiet heart, quiet spirit. I opened up my entire being to utter stillness and there, when I ceased is where I felt it. The thing was trembling on a vibration so pure, so fast, so perfect, that it felt like it wasn't moving at all. It was like a single brilliant ray of light shinning in the darkness, or a piercing and achingly beautiful high note. The string of power. This was our so-called magic. But it was so much more than all that... couldn't be contained within fibs and fairy tales. Here was the power of creation itself. With this you could heal with a touch and a thought. With this you could bring matter into existence or banish it. This power held the wheeling stars in alignment, or brought them out of it.
The session closed with the utter comfort of lying nestled like a newborn in a cocoon of pillowy black feathers wrapped around me...

During the drive home I was already disoriented from everything I had seen and felt, but the sunset was so spectacular and breathtaking that I found it nearly impossible to keep my mind on the task of navigating the traffic. Moody bright blues swirled in the eddies of the sky and foreground cloudage. The clouds behind... heaven. They were like melted gold and the first blooms of rose after a rainstorm and glowed with the brilliant light of Home. The unspeakable colors, each lit from within to varying degrees, had faded effortlessly from one shade to the next. One look in those swirling lofty heights and I threatened to hie straight to heaven. I don't know if its just my dreamy nature or my pre-mortal lineage, but scenes of such beauty just carry me off and I swear my feet aren't touching the ground for the next hour or so. I get that way and I cannot function in the natural world properly, but who would want to? With a feeling of such transcendence  why wouldn't the spirit want to follow the eye? And what raptures await those who actually succeed in making the trip? I hope some day to see more and feel more of that place, so I can bring the experience back. If only these two hands can learn to write what must be written so people can read and understand, perhaps they too can hie away with me into those glorious heights... without ever having to leave their chair or body.


After experiencing many amazing journeys with Reconnective Healing, and knowing there are countless other things to learn, feel and do with this process, I know I could spend hundreds of dollars seeing Natalie and never tire of it... but I want to learn to do this for myself. The process is natural, the rules of engagement eternal and deeply useful. I want to learn to use Reconnective Healing for myself, my family and others. I've seen people work miracles with it and finally I can be the Dream Walker I've always known I am, but this time be awake for all of it, remember all of it. I have walked in dreams my whole life, not just the stuff you see in sleep for entertainment... the True Dream World, the Grid, the space between Heaven and Earth... whatever that plane of existence is called. I feel like it is a very important journey to make more often, record  and learn from. Maybe even share, though I wouldn't know how to introduce the idea to others. If they do not know how important all this is to me, they might laugh it off as being strange or a little bit crazy. But its so real. I would not be surprised one bit to see future events or some other form of remote viewing, only to find out later that it came true. Anyway, none of that matters. I refuse to judge any of it as good or bad, and I don't care if others understand or not. That would be like holding your breath because you don't know if people will like how you breathe. I cannot stop the dreams and stories in my head and I wouldn't any way because they have taught me so much. I feel only gratitude and a burning curiosity.

My Third Session

Sept. 26, 2012
The visions began the moment we started the session this time. I saw an enormous egg, warm and orange looking- as if I could see through it. Inside was a young woman, curled up in the fetal position. The egg hatched and she was born, perfect in every way. There were a pair of tiny silver wings on her back, silky feathers curled around one another. They were not fully formed yet, but began to grow rapidly as she stretched her long limbs. The feathers grew longer and longer, coiling around her like a protective shell. She curled up, completely surrounded in the soft yet strong feathers now. They continued to grow and ended up resembling a budding flower- closed up in layers and a spiral in the middle.
A hand appeared in the center of the great flower/spiral of silver feathers and she slowly climbed out of her cocoon. Now she had a pair of brilliant white wings, fully formed. Running to the edge of a cliff, I felt the rush she felt when she used her powerful and strong body to push herself foward. Then I caught my breath as she leapt off the precipise and flew. The world was a million miles below, and at first I was dizzy with the thought of it, but soon grew used to the easy feeling of flight.
She flew higher and higher, until she was above the clouds and below nothing but a vast sky of starlight. (It was a very special place, not really the stratosphere) Up ahead, a few mighty mountains just barely peeked from above the clouds. She stepped lightly from one to the next until she came to a great platau that held The Great Tree. Landing gracefully, she stepped up to the tree and plucked one of its precious fruits. I don't remember but I think it was white, like the Tree of Life. The texture of the fruit was like a pear, soft and grainy and sweet, though it wasn't pear-shaped. Then she died. Her stomach rotted from the inside out and her feathers fell to the ground like wilting petals in rainfall. She disintegrated until there was nothing left but a tiny seed. That seed held all the promise of who she was, her DNA coding. It fell the impossible height, down to Earth and landed on an impossibly small target. A sleeping child, curled up at night on the couch of her aunt and uncle. The brightly glowing seed sank deep into her heart, and there it took root.
The child grew. She went through life seemingly like a normal child, but she walked with spirits daily. She loved them, talked with them. But she didn't realize that she knew them or perhaps it was that she didn't realize that others would not believe they were there. In the unconscious way in which children discover and learn, she spoke or interacted with the spirits often without meaning to. They would say or do something and she'd answer them without knowing how or if she'd really heard them. Part of her knew that she had what was called a "special imagination" that helped her come up with intricate stories. Part of her knew that it wasn't true and that the stories were true and the spirit's voices which she had heard didn't need to be listened to with physical ears to know they had said something. (I know, that part is all vague. Its hard to describe.)
She walked with unicorns and fairies in the woods. She swam and saw amazing creatures or mermaids. They would whisper stories to her and she kept those stories in her heart, sometimes sharing them with people who thought she had "a good imagination".
One day, she was walking by herself when a lovely, nice woman appeared and walked  with her, holding the little girl's hand often. She was always with her, sometimes unseen but never gone completely. I was taken off guard by her. Was this woman supposed to be our Heavenly Mother? She had flowing brown hair, a kind face with a lovely smile... but she looked almost completely normal. I was surprised at how much like us she seemed. The girl met many friends during different times of adventure in her life, the woman always by her side.
Next, I saw some sort of spinning brass (?) cone. I got closer to it until it became a great tunnel. Inside, there were all kinds of lights, images and sounds. They were all around and through me, rushing past at great speed. I felt full of a vast store of information!
During another part, I met a horse. He greeted me and I got on his back. We raced along faster and faster, till the scenery flashed by in a blur. I didn't feel the need to hold on tightly to stay in my seat. I was a part of him. He became a dragon and we gained altitude. He began to grow, becoming impossibly huge... bigger than a house or anything else I can think of. He had strange, backwards-growing scales that went up instead of down. I rested in the cavity of one of these where his back meets his neck. He kept growing, reaching unfathomable size. I felt his heat and power fill me up with a rumbling in my bones, like an enormous cat. We were in outer space, looking down on the world. I could feel the Earth vibrating like we were. Then my spirit was sent down, plummeting through the atmosphere, past the empty air, the clouds, reaching the trees and passing through the skin of the Earth. I went deeper and deeper, rushing through subterrainian rivers and dense, hard rock. Further and further, past the molten center of our planet, right down to its very core. It was dense and black and very small yet somehow vast here. Then appeared in the heavy blackness, a ribbon of organic "something" - pure white life!
It swam throught the blackness, twisting this way and that like some sea creature trailing beautiful fronds and strands. It could flex, shrink or grow in any which way. The blackness tangled around it, like a mess of a dead coral forest. The white glowing ribbon deftly manuvered around the sharp maze of blackness, touching nothing in its grace and strength. Soon, it was met by another bright string just like itself. Then another and another, until a whole mass had attached together. It began to grow, knitting together to become one flesh. It became a great tree, shining in the darkness. This tree was so brilliant and full of life, it makes our trees seem like dead stone. Its flesh was like some kind of glowing living muscle - strong and hard, but also flexible and soft. Shining brightly in the darkness it grew and grew, so vast you could see it from outer space.
I also remember learning what it was like to create a Universe. The feel of energy so small and so powerful, then it explodes impossibly huge with a CRACK and in an instant and life is born! I could see through any level or layer in the Universe that I wished. I could witness the whole big picture, all at once, or I could sift down to the tiniest layer and study it and it alone. Even changing my awareness big or small like this, I was still connected to everything all at once, so nothing escaped my attention or knowing.
A few times during the session, I felt so peaceful and so relaxed that I felt like I could sleep or even stop breathing. I hear its normal to experience, yet its so different actually being there yourself. During one of those restful states, I was having a conversation with someone. I remember them sitting right in front of me, like in a chair or something. There was a bright light all around, as if we were in a sunlight room on a summer day. But I don't know if that whole scene is something I fabricated or not because the entire conversation, beginning to end, is not there. Once I realized that I was sleeping during my session, I immediately woke myself up and the scene vanished... erased from my mind like a blink of a dream.
I was laying in a meadow, peaceful and serene because I knew there was not another human soul in this place but me. Up walked a large stag. He roused me with a playful puff of air in my face. I reached up a familiar hand to him and stroked his muzzle. We were happy to see each other and understood each other with perfect clarity despite the silence between us. Resting in the chair, I could feel his warm breath, touch his feathery-soft fur, with stunning clarity. It was as if the tangibility of that moment was so real, it felt true to every sense I had except the skin on my hands and face. I spent some time, walking around the quiet glade with him. Then he offered his back and I climbed up. We cantered easily through the trees, then gained speed and he sprouted wings. My legs rested comfortably between his shoulder and neck, with the muscle of the wing behind my knee.
The only other sensation I felt that was memorable, was the feel of a warm hand gripping mine in friendship and love. I felt it with a surety and was impressed by a similar experience earlier that same day too. Lastly, the same phrases I heard each time I had done a session: "1..2..3" only this time I believe it was only "1..2..", the words "What" "who" I had said (or heard) in my head had become the same phrase Dr. Pearl had heard, "What you are doing is bringing light and information on to the planet." I wanted to say any of these out loud, it felt heavy on my tongue, as if I were about to say them at any moment. But I could not bring myself to speak out loud. Either I lacked the will (fighting ego and not wanting to look too strange talking like that) or I was not meant to and the words were only things to be pondered; not a message. I don't want to say they were meaningless because the more I learn about the universe, the more I have come to realize that nothing in this life is without reason or purpose, simply- we do not understand it yet.

A General Record

Some of this will be a repeat in info... I was keeping my own record before I was able to get my stories I wrote at Natalie's office.

09/10/12

I read in “The Reconnection” about finding a practitioner near my area on the website. Already mystified by the book and in love, I typed in my location to see if I could sate my curiosity by poking my nose around a little. But finding a healer just down the road from me, I suddenly felt brave and called her. My call with her gave me the enthusiasm to convince Daniel that we could afford the $75 and I scheduled myself for later that day.
Natalie was not like Dr. Pearl, but I quietly forgave her the personality flaws she exhibited and allowed my expectations of this visit to be a little less narrow, hoping for something wonderful. She explained a great deal to me, told me stories of other visits with clients and finally started. I was a bit nervous to have her ex and son visiting just outside the door (it was open) but I told myself that she trusted them so I should too. I spent the first 5 min of our healing session together, trying to relax properly. I began to feel an urge or pulling sensation at my wrists, as if they wanted to raise up and cross, ending with my arms folded over my chest pharaoh style. I told myself to not move, not interfere with the process and just let whatever will happen... to happen. But when my mental mind finally calmed down, I realized that this WAS the process and so I went with it. I was surprised how right it felt to move my arms and let them roam about, here and there. Sometimes I was reaching for something, other times I let them dangle over the edge of the recliner. Still in the early phase, before I truly let go, I tried visualizing. I learned later to just let go and not try so hard.
I saw a black bird flying, he appeared to not be black really... more like a cutout or silhouette. Then there was a flock of birds and they formed together to become a man. He walked towards me, black too, till he stepped into the light. The friendly, handsome face of a blonde man appeared before me. He had very blue eyes and he smiled at me in a familiar way. I called him “son” though I couldn't say that I understood why. He began to recede into the background once more and I reached out for him but he was too far away.

(record the rest from healer's notes)

09/11/12

The healer told me to notice any changes that came about in my life to discover what the healing had done. At first, checking in I found not much out of the ordinary. I ran with a little more energy and my right wrist no longer hurt or was weak. Then I realized there WAS something different, something inside. I began to notice things here and there and related them to Daniel. I told him that it felt like my DNA chain back to the ancestors was cleansed somewhat, like Family Matrix tends to do. I felt joyful. I felt at peace. Could this really be the healing? I had heard that Reconnective Healing is permanent and exactly what needs to be addressed at the time. How could peace be permanent? I always thought of it as a temporary lift, no matter how powerful at the moment it came.
After reading some more in the book, I came to the instructional portion. I decided to try it out when Bella failed to stay down for her nap. Normally, that is the end of attempts that can be made for the day- she's often quite stubborn about naps. But this time I sat on the bed and asked, “Do you mind if I work on you?” She said no and I began to feel for anything I could find. Following Dr. Pearl's guidelines as best I could, I worked different areas. I asked her how she felt, she said, “I feel good” with a kind of sigh, she laid down. I worked from the head of the bed now. She craned her head around now and then to see what I was doing and I told her, “I'm still here.” Then, as if by magic, she was resting peacefully with a little scattering of the tale-tell signs of Reconnective Healing, a few twitches and breathing changes. Did I attune to this specific frequency just by reading the book? Or was this just regular old energy work? Either way, I felt good about how it went.

09/12/12

Last night, Daniel and I lay in bed after a long day. We rested, not quite asleep, not quite awake. It was in that half-in half-out state that I dreamt that I was working on myself. I noticed my body doing the muscle twitches as I lay in bed (guess I was still awake enough to feel the tremors) and I wondered if I was activating the energy on my own or if, like during my session, I was just continuing to process even after the Healers hands were down. I thought I had seen Dan twitch too; a minute later it was over and I woke suddenly. He was awake too, I could tell, so I asked him how he felt. He mumbled a “fine” and kind of went back to sleep. Had I imagined it?
All during the day, I checked in to further understand the changes that had come. It wasn't just a general lightening of my life, as other healing modalities often give. I felt like a great weight had been lifted from my heart. Gone were the tangled feelings of stress, worry and depression. These had shadowed my every thought, every word for nearly my entire life. Gone! I felt intrinsically good about the world, myself, and everyone in it. I understood the universe on a simpler, more clear plane of thought. And, for the first time ever, I was truly LIVING all the positive things I had learned throughout my life. I felt FREE!

09/14/12

I got laryngitis for a few days and was thinking “this is too soon! The weather is so warm out, why am I sick?” Had one day of bad neck pain on the right, went to bed with a headache and aching body. Woke up the next day feeling sick but doing better. Both days I thought I was being relatively stress-free but I was trying to keep the house clean for a guest James Owen hooked me up with, Tracy Mangum (wife to successful author Lisa Mangum). On the third day, I just rested all day and felt fine, but washed out. By now, I decided that my sickness was part of the healing process... to let go of my old habits. Its a sickness I've gotten to varying degrees every year since I moved here to Utah ten years ago. Its related to a lot of “feeling sorry for myself” and “inability to speak up” and “must control everything”. Now, on monday (sept. 17, 2012) I feel nearly 100% but I have been feeling light-headed the past few days and it just is hanging on. Reminds me of when I was pregnant, they thought I might be a little anemic or possibly had an inner ear problem, either one from the dizziness I kept feeling. I'm tired of being lazy now, so I'm going to work on my book (finally) after hearing a few good tips from Lisa's pleasant husband, Tracy. He seems like a great guy I hope he visits again. Looking forward to my next session on wednesday afternoon!

My Second Session

Sept. 19, 2012
Right at the start of the session, I felt a great spinning, surging energy around my body. It was my aura, so to speak. As the sensation went on, I was able to discern the individual speeds and powers of each chakra. I remember feeling something like that during a Full Moon Drumming circle once years ago. Its an interesting sensation but its easy to get caught up and become very un-grounded afterwards.
I saw a man. He seemed to be a shaman or a priest of some kind for a race of ancient people. I experienced everything he did as if were me, from a past life. He had a scepter with a crystal on it and used it in part of a ceremony. He took a dead bird and chopped off its leg as part of the strange recipe. He had all kinds of powders and other strange elements, like an alchemist. He seemed pretty dark to me, but maybe it was just because I didn't understand any of what he was doing or what it was for? He used his unknown powers to put a queen on the throne. I saw an imagine of him resting a crown on her head, with him as the court magician. She was the head of power, the face of popularity, but he pulled the strings, subtle and sure.
For a good portion of the rest of the vision, I saw a sprawling city. It was enormous! An endless city that spanned unbroken across an expansive part of the continent. Buildings dotted the rich jungle lands like pebbles on a wide beach. Millions upon millions inhabited this great city. There were tall wooden pillars all throughout the city. I saw the lettering but could not read the vertical layout. (Often in dreams I cannot read words or numbers)They worked in close connection with a wide variety of creatures. Hulking animals the size and similarity to bears pulled wagons or carts, but the fur was interrupted by armor plating, like an armadillo. Birds and sometimes small mammals ran the telegram system. Human runners or primates could've transported larger packages, but the birds were special. I saw an old man slip a tiny message on a brightly colored bird. He told the bird where to go and then slipped a loop over the bird's head. Tied to the string was a delicate flower. If the message reached its recipient still in bloom, the reader would know that the message had not been intercepted or compromised in any way. I suppose if someone caught the bird they could just switch out the wilting flower for a new one of the same breed. But this problem could easily be addressed by stamping the fragile petal with a personal insignia to prevent fraud. There was also an interesting spider that I saw. For all the world, it looked like a black and white moth with fake eyes on the "wings" and everything. It mimicked the craw of a moth and everything... or, now that I think on it; was it a moth that learned how to mimic a spider in the way it looks and moves? I can't remember exactly. There was also a large bird, the size of a peacock. It was completely black, covered in spiky feathers. The marketplace was FULL of snakes. They slithered and rested everywhere. Under tables, on poles, over window sills. People just scooted them out of the way, unconcerned. They were as used to them as we were of pigeons and stray cats. There were tiny ones and big fat ones. I had also seen a few people getting onto some boats. There were a lot of canals and rivers in the area so boats were used often. They got into the little craft, it was a narrow boat in the center which was a little bigger than a canoe. On either side were two smaller boats that could carry gear, extra supplies or perhaps a small child or animal. The three parts were connected underwater and the ship was very fast and easy to maneuver  Just beneath the surface of the water were large fish. Leaning over the side for a better view, I saw past the big guys to an ENORMOUS fish(?) beneath the crystal clear waves. I was sent back to my primal fear from childhood that there was something huge lurking in the shadows of the watery depths. But the people here were completely at ease with the animals they interacted with. The sailors showed no concern for the island-sized aquatic creatures and it was the same on land. The people interacted with animals so much that they felt at ease and understood animal behavior as well as they understood their own. Animals and humans seemed to know what to expect from each other; it appeared to be a gigantic symbiosis.
Then there were the dragons, high above the city. They flocked in the hundreds of thousands it seemed. So many and so enormous and full of power, a few small battalions of them could lay waste to this great sprawling city, though its people knew they had nothing to fear from the great lizards at this time. They were kings of the sky, completely unchallenged in their reign and glory. I was sailing along with the dragons, with them at first. Then when I asked myself, "Am I flying here as a dragon or a rider?" my consciousness showed something interesting- a combination of both. I rode as a passenger within the beast, right next to his beating heart. Inside the dragon was such heat and power! I cannot describe it. My very bones vibrated with the heat and power of dragons. It was not unlike the vibration cats can make... but its a horrible comparison because dragons are so much greater! Its like comparing the shell of a beetle with the hull of an army tank.
Then the scenes coming in flashed by with intense speed and volume. I received libraries of information and knowledge, eyes and muscles twitching as I processed and stored it all. But I cannot recall any of it. Which is fine by me because even a tiny part would be difficult to transcribe in a physical language such as speaking or writing. The languages we have access to right now are too slow and clumsy. I felt full to bursting with unspeakable knowledge, but I was at peace with it, knowing there was always room for more. There must be an impossible amount more to learn!
The last image I saw was of an angel, peacefully winging in outer space. He was in repose, drinking in the starlight on his skin. It gave him energy, cleansed him. With bliss, he embraced the emptiness of space, letting it fill him. He drifted on black wings, lost in the stillness of it all.

My Second Session

Sept. 10, 2012    

I started out the session, intensely focused on being relaxed and going with the healing process. I was trying so hard to do that, that I wasn't able to give in and do either. Its funny how that works. I felt the impression or desire to move my arms, lift them and cross them over my chest. I stubbornly waited for some force to move my arms for me. When I finally relaxed and gave in to the process, I let go of my pride that went against 'looking strange' in front of strangers. I moved my arms and they took over, and I let them go where they wanted. It felt so right to stretch out, reaching or curling up and letting them rest wherever they landed. I moved a lot during the entire session, with a lot of twitching and kryas shaking too. I thought it was a bit strange and very different, but it didn't feel wrong... not once.
In my mind's eye, I saw many things. It started with the black silhouette of a large bird, like a crow. It was like his outline was 'cut out' and I could see the black shadows underneath that missing fabric of space. First, it was just one bird and I watched him flying, wondering where he would go. Then he was joined by others and they formed a flock. Like a tattered hole cut in the sky, the black shadows of birds gathered together to form the shape of a man, tall and proud like a god or angel. He stepped toward me and the shadows fell away.
He was very beautiful, with blonde hair and kind blue eyes. He had a somewhat boyish face and eyes that crinkled at the corners just like Daniel. He was perfect in my eyes. I called him son, although at the time, I wondered about that because I had never seen my future children except as babies with knowing eyes. He began to leave and I reached for him, wanting him to stay. He smiled at me and told me something like, “I'll just be right here... until later.” However, I remember, his mouth didn't move... he said it more with his eyes, like a promise. And Daniel wonders why I have a hard time waiting till we have another.
Shortly after that, I felt a sense of loss and sadness, needing to be held and comforted. I think it comes from touching that place of peace and having to return to this cold world. I reached out for my Father, lifting my hand as the warmth of heaven receded. “Don't leave me, Father!” I thought desperately. I cried then, feeling alone and wanting a message of peace. I was reminded of the loneliness I'd experienced all my life, since I'd left my Father's side. Crossing my arms over my chest, I curled up.

Moving on to the next thing I could remember, there was a short part about heaven again. During the twitching that my fingers sometimes did, I was reminded of the feel of violin. I've always felt like I learned to play in a former life and that I just need to remember how in order to play beautifully again. The fingers of my left hand twitched in many finger positions and my body remembered that sensation. My violin is currently in need of repair, I want to see if I remember it yet.

I remember seeing a white symbol but its hard to describe. It had four parts sticking out, like a four leaf clover does. But each part was different. The dove lotion symbol was the closest thing I could come to describing it without drawing it. I wanted to suggest drawing the symbol but didn't want to interrupt Natalie's writing.

I also saw these great white wings. I felt the urge to reach out to them, but couldn't reach... my hand felt so heavy if I tried to lift it too far up. The wings enveloped me and I could feel the crisp, flexible texture of the feathers just by looking at them. Sunlight

In between sessions...

Sept. 2012
After my first session with Natalie I experienced few changes in my body. Small aches had gone but mostly I felt like myself in that aspect. The truly profound change I experienced was an unveiling of my heart. All my life, I had felt an inexplicable shadow over my spirit that left me feeling small, sad and cut off. I never could place it and often just chalked it up to winter, hormones, mood swings, depression or some other passing thing. But it had followed me around for ages and so I felt that it couldn't be all those different things, but some bigger problem. Regardless of what it meant, after my first Reconnective Healing Session... it was gone! I felt free and happy, through and through for the first time! I felt like I could finally be myself, happy or sad, on my own and by choice instead of this thing tainting my mood. Since then, I have chosen many emotions and I've even gotten into a slump of negativity. But it wasn't something that overcame me and I was unable to understand or fight off. Another sensation I felt since finishing the book and completing my first session was a queer feeling in my palms. It was like a cold rushing air, like a door that is not properly sealed in the winter time. It was strange feeling that, because usually when I do energy work of any kind, it comes as a heat or a tingly vibration of sorts. This was something I had never felt before. But further attempts to make it grow, use it or keep it were difficult. I have since then, stopped trying but only because I had not thought to use it during normal everyday life. I want badly to find a way to come up with the $333 that it will cost to get 'attuned' to the unique energies Dr. Pearl has come across!

My First Session

Sept. 10, 2012
My first session with Natalie Jayne, I felt I was ready for what I was about to experience. I had nearly finished Dr. Pearl's book and was excited to get started, experiencing it for real for the first time. But the truth was, I was extremely nervous. What would happen? I don't know if I was more nervous about something strange or embarrassing happening or afraid that nothing huge would happen and I'd have all this anticipation for no reason. After discussing what to expect during the session, we began. A forced calm fell over me as I told myself, "relax relax relax.." She had told me not to pray or worry but to clear my mind. I suppose I thought I was doing that at first. Lying back in the chair, eyes closed, the only thing I felt was a tense calm and something else. There was a sensation, sort of like a pulling at my wrists which lay in my lap. The feeling was like someone had tied strings there and were pulling them toward each other. An image of my hands lifting, crossing and resting over my chest mummy-style, crossed my mind. Ok, I can do this. Just go with the flow. I thought to myself. Nothing happened. I had imagined, after reading the book, that things would happen to me and I would just be along for the ride. But it wasn't like that, I had to be an active participant in the session. Things would only happen if I let them. My ego fought back, told me that I shouldn't force anything to happen or it wouldn't be "real". I decided that ego just didn't want to risk silly by taking action and I fought it. Its surprisingly tough to lift your hand in the air if you are afraid of bruising your ego in the process. The drama in my head ended when, little by little, I moved my wrists... slowly, haltingly at first, then lifting them and letting them rise effortlessly. They snapped into position over my chest like a magnet had pulled them there.  It felt so right to let them move freely about. During the rest of the session, as I let my arms move, or any other part of me, I felt a sense of freedom drift over me, settling deep in my bones. All my life I had been told what to do and what not to do. Scolded, cautioned, criticized... I had learned like everyone else that we must behave in a carefully sculpted set of norms for society. I had grown to fear the natural expression of my body and spirit. The freedom I felt when allowing myself to act any way that came upon me by impulse was liberating!
At the start of the session, I was still trying to find my groove to relax into it, so I began a meditation to help me focus. When I meditate, I often start with something simple and try to hold it until I fully relax and it changes into a meaningful vision. I watched the silhouette of a crow flying in place. It was like the bird-shape had been cut out and behind there was the inky blackness of space. More birds appeared. They formed a flock, a tangle of black wings and feathers. The mass grew into the shape of a man. He walked towards me from the darkness and when the shadow fell away, I recognized him. Consciously, I did not know him, but some part of me must have known because I called him son. He was tall, had an angelic face, blonde hair and merry blue eyes. He smiled at me, saying nothing, but I felt the warmth of his great love for me. He began to recede back into the background and I felt a great longing for him and I stretched out my hand (in my mind and in real life). I wasn't ready for him to go yet, but the blackness took him home again. I was left lonely and sad, wanting to be comforted and held like a child. I thought of my Father from whom I was separated from this long time. I missed him so much!
"Don't go..." I called longingly in my mind. I find it so hard to stay here sometimes, craving home with my whole soul. I waited in my sadness for some confirmation that everything would be OK. Tears landed on my arms as I curled up on my right, hands tucked under my head.
The moment passed and I moved on to the next thing. I saw a white shape, similar to the dove symbol on lotion bottles. It had four appendages like the dove or a four-leaf clover, but I cannot remember the exact shape now... I had a desire to sketch it for my healer on the notes, but I didn't want to interrupt her writing at the time.
After that, I saw a great pair of white wings, large and encompassing  I was dazzled by the white light that shone through the edges of the feathers. Then the wings folded around me in an embrace. I reached up to complete the touch, but my arms were too heavy and I was too small and distant, resting in a chair far away back on earth. I could never reach that high, yet I felt the pull and comfort of the hug regardless.
Next, I saw two feathers floating down toward me. They were twisted and ruined, barbs clinging to one another in a hopeless tangle. The feathers came down and passed through my eyes, as if my pupils were great empty holes. On the other side of this "window", the feathers came out whole and perfect.
During another part, I was letting my body process with its Kryas twitching and my hand remembered, once again, the feel of a violin. The fingers played the ghost strings and I knew the melody was sure and sweet. I know that I should keep trying with my real violin at home, till I can match the skill I once had in another life. Its the memory that has kept me on the hunt since I was a child.
Thinking of heaven, and discussing it with Natalie afterwards, I felt a mercurial kind of heat in my body. It wasn't the warm heat created by blood, nor the dry heat that is brought on by energy work. It was metallic .. hard to describe.
During another part of processing, I felt a comfort and peace that belongs only to innocent babies. Curled up on my left, I felt a deep and settled glowing in my heart. My heart rate and breathing were up, like in REM sleep, and my eyes twitched back and forth as if I were dreaming. A smile twitched at my lips, the kind I'd only seen on sleeping infants when they dream of mother's milk or possibly memories from home.
Words running through my mind throughout the session: "What" "You" "1..2..3.." "How". Also, there was another sensation at one specific time. The head of the chair I rested in was angled towards a window, so I was facing away and towards the door. If I opened my eyes, I'd see the sunlight shining at an angle on the ceiling. My eyes were closed at this point, but it seemed to me that this one ray of sunshine was getting brighter and brighter. It seemed to flicker, as if someone were moving in the light, but no one was there. The light was intensely glowing but I couldn't see who was there... I also had the sensation at the end of the session that there was something more I had forgotten to tell Natalie. Perhaps an encounter or a conversation that I had been made to forget. But there is no way of knowing if I imagined I had something more to say or if it had been actually been erased from my mind. I sometimes have dreams where I feel like I am highly engaged in a conversation or event with someone. Normally, upon waking, I will remember all of my dreams or snippets. But for these types of dreams I remember only a blank wall and a sense of having done something or talked with someone. I can only imagine those conversations are not for me to know right now. I went home that day with much to think about.